What are boundaries? 

Boundaries are parameters we set with others based on our personal comfort levels. By setting these limits, it can help us to feel emotionally and physically safe in relationships. Boundaries express to others what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior to us. Everyone's boundaries may look different. It may be really difficult to set boundaries and that's okay! Often times, from childhood, we are taught to make others feel comfortable regardless of how we feel. Setting boundaries can happen with friends, romantic partners, professional colleagues, family, neighbors, roommates or really anyone! By communicating your needs, you are engaging in acts of self-care and building the foundation of a healthy relationship. 

Types of Boundaries

1. Physical (your space, your body, your safety)

2. Emotional (your feelings, vulnerability, wellbeing, your information) 

3. Intellectual/Mental (your thoughts, beliefs, choices)

4. Material (personal items, what items you share with others)

5. Time (your schedule, events you attend, social gatherings)

Steps for Setting Boundaries

1. Establish where you are feeling uncomfortable, drained, upset, angry and/or disrespected.

2. Remind yourself that are are worthy of respect! Setting boundaries is an act of self-care and it can also be very uncomfortable to assert yourself to those around you. 

3. Use "I Statements" and be direct in what you need. Do not apologize for speaking up for yourself! 

4. After setting a boundary, it is possible the other person will not honor your limits, and will push past them. Stand firm in your boundaries and remind yourself that you are worthy of being respected regardless of their reaction. You are only responsible for your feelings, and they are responsible for theirs. 

Example of Setting Boundaries

• "I need an hour of alone time to recharge before we make dinner together." 
• "Please do not eat my food in the fridge without " 
• "I feel uncomfortable when you come in my room without knocking first. Please text me if you need something before coming in my room." 
• "I do not like when you hug me. I would prefer a high five instead." 
• "I am not up for going to the movies tonight. Can we watch one at home instead?" 
• "I am only able to work 4 days a week. I need at least a week of advance notice before scheduling me for extra shifts." 
• "I am uncomfortable when you bring friends late at night. Can we discuss expectations around guests?" 
• "I appreciate the support, but I am not up discussing that right now."

One of the most important forms of self care is to value your own needs and feelings! This does not mean that setting boundaries is easy or comfortable. However, gathering the courage to set limits and assert your needs is learning how to prioritize yourself and tolerate uncomfortable emotions. Remember, you have the right to say no without a reason and do not need to over explain your boundaries to anyone. In order to create healthy and safe relationships it is important that we trust ourselves in what feels comfortable and safe to us individually, regardless of how others react. This week when you would normally say yes to someone and abandon your own needs, try saying no and see how it feels. Practice choosing you :)